results are in... I woke up at 3:30 this morning, and I couldn't fall back asleep. As nervous as I was to take the pregnancy test, I knew it would get done sooner or later, and I really couldn't take the anxiety anymore. Finally, at 4:25 or so, I got up out of bed and went into the bathroom and took the test. Usually, I leave the room for the two minutes it takes, but this time, I just stood there and shook and stared. About 80% of me knew that I was pregnant, but, when I bought the test, that dwindled down to about 5%.

I stared in amazment as the first line to appear was the line that tells you that you are, indeed pregnant. But I thought maybe this blue line would move and fill out the rest of the test, and, by the end, wouldn't even be there anymore.

WRONG.

It stayed the strongest line the entire time, and the other line that formed the "+" appeared, faintly (the one that goes across, that would otherwise would have been the "-" sign. The line in the control window was there, too. It was indeed a "+", and I just can't believe it! But these tests are 99% accurate and rarely give false possitives......so wooooooooow...i did say I was going to go fly around the moon and back, didn't I? So I'd better get packing.

Tomorrow I will have to call a doctor and get over there and confirm. I just have no idea when the baby (OHHHH MY GOD, that's so weird to say!) is due because I haven't had anything since May, and I don't think there's any way I could be 3 months. For some reason, my women's intuition says "6 weeks."

I called my mom at 25 to 5 this morning. I knew it was kind of inconsiderate, but she's been with me through this whole thing...not just this last week, but the entire 4 years I've been trying. 4 YEARS! I mean, in junior high, they're all like: "It is SO easy to get pregnant, blah, blah, blah," but it really isn't. You have like less than a day's window, and, with some people like me who have no set timing, you have NO clue when it is or if it's even happening!!! But my mom wasn't mad a bit. She's SO excited to be a grandma....I'm her only, so it was all up to me, and I'm soooo excited to see her as a Grandma -she's going to be wonderful!!

I can't believe John is going to be a dad! I don't think it has really hit him. I mean, considering I took the test at the wee hours of the morning, I called him into the bathroom and showed him, but he just squinted in the bright lights and gave me a hug and went back to bed. He's been sleeping like a log ever since. We briefly talked about it, well, I did, but he's just sleeping and sleeping away.

I have to do everything I can to make sure I do the best thing possible now! I have to tell the doctor that I'm a vegetarian and maybe get some books that have special diets in them to make sure I'm eating balanced. I have to get the vitamins and do all I can to be so healthy so the baby can be healthy! This might be my one and only chance...a miracle. I was a miracle to my mom, and maybe God saw how much I wanted a baby, so He was like, "This is as good as time as any...Mel has insurance, a good job, a nice home that doesn't need all that fixin' up, and John is set with his job and they have a master plan to move back North.......so let's give her this chance!!"

Others, I've read, try SUPER hard for their first one, and it takes FOREVER, but then the next ones come sooo easily. Maybe I'll end up with 4 babies. But all I ever wanted since I fell in love with John was to have ONE baby with him....just one, so I could go through life and experience being a mother to someone. I'm confident I'll be a good mom...I know it's harder that it looks and you have to dedicate everything to their livelyhood, but I can do it! I am ready!

I just can't believe it actually came out possitive. I already feel like I'm glowing.  ¶ 9:34 AM